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I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
