Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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