I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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