have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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