I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
