I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you didnt know i had herpes?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize