i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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