He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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