Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
