I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
