remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
