i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
