think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
