Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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