a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize