Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
