Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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