ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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