yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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