Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
