Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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