do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
