I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
