am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize