At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Someone shit on the floor
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
