If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
