So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
