he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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