remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
nutella sex= disaster
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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