just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
