Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
