Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
3 2 1 whiskey
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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