Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.