Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

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(847): 2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck. http://tfl.nu/qowh

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(630): View more from Illinois

He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

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(630): He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that? http://tfl.nu/r8k1

Replies (44) Good night (1241) Bad night (8839)
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(404): View more from Georgia

YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!

(678): View more from Georgia

correction: escorted out

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(404): YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?! (678): correction: escorted out http://tfl.nu/gkul

Replies (23) Good night (5212) Bad night (951)
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(310): View more from California

The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?

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(310): The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME? http://tfl.nu/y4zz

Replies (7) Good night (2758) Bad night (697)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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(870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y

Replies (4) Good night (2851) Bad night (692)
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(518): View more from New York

Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?

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(518): Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped? http://tfl.nu/52bj

Replies (10) Good night (1745) Bad night (998)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.

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(902): It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped. http://tfl.nu/3q2q

Replies (2) Good night (1433) Bad night (580)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

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(205): Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth. http://tfl.nu/rtd2

Replies (12) Good night (1083) Bad night (2230)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?

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(402): Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window? http://tfl.nu/mwbz

Replies (10) Good night (1433) Bad night (741)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I need Jameson.

(240): View more from Maryland

Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.

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(540): I need Jameson. (240): Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot. http://tfl.nu/qo8a

Replies (7) Good night (1268) Bad night (433)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?

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(908): Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us? http://tfl.nu/djoh

Replies (2) Good night (827) Bad night (261)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo

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(203): Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo http://tfl.nu/o8no

Replies (0) Good night (549) Bad night (254)
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(309): View more from Illinois

There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.

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(309): There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/encj

Replies (6) Good night (794) Bad night (304)
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(408): View more from California

I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary

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(408): I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary http://tfl.nu/kxfy

Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (226)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay

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(919): it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay http://tfl.nu/gpt5

Replies (2) Good night (473) Bad night (193)

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