drinking out of a sandbucket again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?