so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?