his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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