So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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