I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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