1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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