do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
