You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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