4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
