Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
