so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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