My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
