I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
