This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
