i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
