I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
