I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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