Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
