There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
