Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
