Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
