The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
