Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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