Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
