So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
