How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
