Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
