What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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