Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
