i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
