Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
