somebody snuck up and got me drunk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
