I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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