I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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