Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this boner is exhausting
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
