I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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