I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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