Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
