everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
