That's when you crack a 10am beer
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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