no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
